I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
