I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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