I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
