oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
