I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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