she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
