Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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