we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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