no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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