I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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