Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
