dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
