just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Randomize
