Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
