Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
