I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
