I'm sorry my penis didn't work
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
