I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish there were birth control emojis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
