were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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