I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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