Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
