used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
