I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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