There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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