your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
