I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
