just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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