I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
