my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
