his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
