Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
