Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
