and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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