no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
