I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
