Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
