he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
