I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
