you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
