Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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