Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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