but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
