i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
where are my eyebrows?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
