i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
