I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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