Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
