well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So many bounce houses so little time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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