You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
