Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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