If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Text me some of your sweat
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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